Hello s*o*m*e*bodies,
We made it. Winter is in the rearview, summer is on the horizon, and we are cruising through spring.
In LA, people would ask why I moved from NYC, like did I want to work in Hollywood, or was my family there, or did I relocate for work? This annoyed me, their needing me to have a “why” for my actions. I still don’t know “why” I moved to LA, repeatedly, only to wind up back in New York again (2020) and again (2023).
One reason I would cite is the weather and its effect on my mood. “Depression is like a salmon swimming upstream, you know,” I would hear myself saying, not really knowing what I was saying. “And with the sun always being out it’s, like, one less thing to fight against. You know.”
That’s not to say they don’t have seasonal depression in LA, they do. But it isn’t as bad, because when the sun is out it’s brighter. It’s hard to have a truly bad day in LA.
Moving back to NYC this time — for real this time, committed this time — came with the understanding that November, December, January, and February would have bouts of being truly bad. It’s a cycle, it is what it is. It’s winter. It’s nature.
I told my psychologist this when our quarterly check-in came around in January and she said, “You don’t have to do it the hardest way, sweetie.” Bars!!
What I Forgot About Winter In Its Absence:
How heated air makes my body eczematic, gives my dog dandruff, makes my plants crispy
The way night takes on a more sinister mood when it’s cold
Permission to rest, nest, plot, scheme, think on a question with no rush for an answer
Longing for summer like a crush
I’m glad to be back in the beat of seasons. In LA, years flew by at 70 degrees a day. I ruminated without action. Now, I see time passing in the trees, I feel it in the air, I notice it in the clothes I wear. I’m alert. It’s spring.
Sincerely,
Nicola
P.S. I am going on a four-stop Eurotrip in May and I would love your recommendations for hotels, shopping, cafes, art, and partying in Berlin, Frankfurt, London, and Paris: nicolafumo@gmail.com.