Hello readers!
I trust you have been well.
Myself, not much to report. Iāve mostly been clicking around the computer looking for money making opportunities, occasionally visiting the dog park and humoring the colorful characters of the mid-day scene.
One purchase of note to relay: Clothing rack dividers ($8). I have an exposed clothing rack in a studio apartment and the dividers make it look more organized, plus itās easier to find things. 5/5 smiley faces, would recommend (and in fact am doing just that).
This week is my friend Tasbeeh in LA, who is a writer (The Fader, Teen Vogue, Pitchfork, Complex, etc) and copywriter and deeply charming enigma. I never really know when Iām going to see Tasbeeh, but when I do it is always a welcome divergence from monotony. I loved reading her Things, hope you do, too.
Temporary/Experimental Veganism
āIām sure thereās already a word for this that exists within the culture but Iām not the kind of person who would look it up. At the risk of sounding relatable, my quarantine diet has been all over the charts. I moved back into my parentās house so I was eating a lot more meat than I usually do. My skin was breaking out. I didnāt have any energy. And lately Iāve been watching a lot of Tik Tok, which (like most youth platforms) is not only a hotbed for disordered eating but also the place where bourgeois-lifestyle-choices-rebranded-as-moral-signifiers go to thrive. Iām already dairy-free so veganism seemed like an easy second step, and also the place where two interests of mine (skincare and factory farming) intersect.Ā
Iāve only been vegan for two weeks but I already canāt stop talking about it! To everyone! All I do is talk about it. It gives me something to talk about with strangers, because I have lost the talent for small talk in lockdown. I also feel less burdened by choice. Iām not a great decision maker ā Iām often paralyzed by indecision ā so itās nice to go to restaurants and have the decisions made for me. Iāll have a side salad, no parm, no croutons, does the dressing have dairy? Then Iāll have the balsamic, thanks!Ā
Iām lucky, though, because I live in Los Angeles, near the beach, and both of my brothers work for Am*zon, so Iāve got the Whole Foods hook-up. There is incredible vegan food all around. I rarely crave anything that canāt be or hasnāt been veganized already. I get why most people wouldnāt be able to do this ā and wouldnāt want to ā but I, personally, choose the more enlightened path.ā
Starbucks cold brew with a dark cocoa oatmilk foam and two pumps of sugar-free vanilla syrupĀ
āThis is a Starbucks drink I learned about on Tik Tok (advertised as one of the lowest calorie drinks by a Starbucks employeeā¦ like I said, Tik Tok is an ED hell). Itās actually really good? I never knew about the dark cocoa oatmilk foam until that Tik Tok. Their cinnamon oatmilk foam isnāt very good, but thatās just one ladyās opinion.Ā
I quit coffee at the beginning of lockdown but Iām back on the sauce. I donāt know why, Iām unemployed and otherwise avoid work. I get the venti, or the grande if I plan on taking an adderall that day.ā
Watching āEmily in Parisā while stonedĀ
āI have a high (heh) tolerance for bad TV. Iām built for it. I fall asleep during most movies, even the good ones (I fell asleep during the first 15 minutes of āKill Billā on a first date at Quentin Tarantinoās theatre and SNORED! Iād never seen it before. He asked me out a second time).Ā
What I like about Bad TV is the lower stakes and the decreased demand on my attention. I hate it when bad TV tries to be good. Thatās what I love about āEmily in Paris.ā It doesnāt try to be good. It barely tries to be okay. Itās like those tootsie roll pops that doctors always have in their offices: no nutritional value whatsoever, not even tasty, just a weirdly satisfying sugar bomb.Ā
That said, I donāt recommend watching it sober. This is the kind of show that becomes avant garde on a really strong edible. Lilly Collins has no charisma or charm in it whatsoever but her cheshire smile becomes mesmerizing when youāre high as shit on 20 mg of THC. Try it!ā
Mutual aidĀ
āIām in general a pretty garbage person with poor work ethic, an inability to meet deadlines, who suffers from extreme narcissism. Iāve found it very difficult to work, much less pay attention to whatās going on in the world at large. The macro problems seem overwhelming to me and I canāt keep up with whatās going on in the White House, or Armenia, or Lebanon, or whatever. And I majored in Middle Eastern Studies. I wanted to be a foreign affairs reporter at one point! And now I am dumb. Just very dumb. My friend recently asked me to explain the Palestine-Israeli conflict to her and I couldnāt string a coherent narrative for her. The other day I googled āwhere is Phillyā to try and understand where this man I met on Tinder was coming from (it was Pennsylvaniaā¦ and Iāve BEEN to Pittsburgh!).Ā
The only things I can focus on are the small stuff, the hyperlocal stuff, the stuff that comes down to everyday personal decisions. I think this is why I am ~into veganism~ right now and canāt focus on music journalism or muster up any interest in the national elections. Itās also why I have gotten really into mutual aid. I donāt know what that means to most people, but to me itās about going out, at least once a week, distributing water, food, and other resources to my local unhoused neighbors. Itās a form of action that feels direct, immediate, the most useful to me. And even when I am in the depths of a depressive episode, I still feel enough shame to get out of bed to do it. Itās the only thing that WILL get me out of bed most days.āĀ
Swiping on TinderĀ
āI havenāt dated anyone since February, and I donāt think I plan to. But when I havenāt washed my hair, left my room, or seen another living person in three days, I like the temporary dopamine rush of Tinder match and a nice compliment from a heterosexual male. Makes me feel like a woman again.ā
Alright, friends, thatās a wrap. As always, please forward this to anyone you think would like it. āSeeā you next week :)